Sifting through the b*llsh*t!

I hear it over and over again repeating itself in the subtext of what we convey with our habits and our choices. Why is it we do not care about how we dress? Why is it we neglect to date people that are truly worthy of us? Why is it we stay in a job we are miserable in? Why is it we continuously repeat the same mistakes? Why are we constantly involved in self sabotage? And worst of all- why are we unhappy and we do NOTHING about it? 
I think deep down we are perpetuating and bringing into reality this fiction that we are somehow not worthy enough… We run away from accountability because we are scared to admit that we play a huge part in our own misery. 
I think with personal style, one can say that it points to a pattern of behavior that has become crystalized and evident at the surface level. With everything else- things become more mirky and complex- but perhaps this rationalization is just a way to dismiss all those issues and not discuss. 
I was reading an interview of Stacy London in Red Book and I was truly struck by ” the idea that we don’t recognize our own patterns of behavior.” I can sit here and give advice ad nauseam but the truth of the matter is that I am potentially one of the worst offenders ever. I don’t think it has to do with hypocrisy but it has more to do with not being able to clearly identify the issues, problems and solutions in my own life. Stacy hit the nail on the head with the notion that “‘we teach what we need to learn.'” 

For me, changing my style was about waking up and taking control. Stacy said it best:

“it was never about the clothes. What it really came down to was the idea that change is possible—and that it is not irresponsible to be hopeful about taking control of your destiny. “

I am not going to lie, it’s kind of hard not to fall back on old habits. It seems so much easier to not care about what to wear. I think that now, there’s a constant fear that if I let go a little bit- I might relapse into not caring and rolling out of bed to show up to work. 
Once that fear sank in, I began to shop- perhaps even overdoing it. It’s very challenging playing around with this notion of “women’s empowerment.” I mean- how does one right all those years of making craptastic decisions? I think I took a step in the right direction this past year but I would be lying if I did not say that it has been beyond overwhelming to take on two plus decades worth of neglect and bad decision making on my part. I feel like I am on a time crunch to right all those wrongs and get myself on some sort of track or at least begin to pave my own road ahead. 
So, in conclusion, I say- thank you 29 for teaching me that yes, I do have all the time in the world- but for f*ck’s sake, there’s urgency to this sh*tstorm! Upwards and onwards!
Happy Tuesday! Have a great day! 
Quotes via Red Book
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