When you make a life changing decision to take a leap of faith it does not have to be pretty. It does not have to be graceful or even well thought out. Perfect is not even part of the equation.
“I was sitting at my desk. Waiting. Life was about waiting for work. Waiting for someone to look at me and let me know that I exist. I exist beyond what I could do for you. I exist because we are both stuck in this human condition of pushing that proverbial rock up the hill. Am I here? Is this real? Is the crazy thing that is happening before me real life? Was this meant to be my life and our shared experiences?
Lots of humans having paralleled experiences but never really crossing paths. Never really acknowledging the existence of the other. Everyone was cordial or nice to me but it was a different story amongst themselves. I sit at my desk waiting.
A door slams. That’s when it hits me. Everyone is angry and upset and no one is really happy to be there. Why am I here? It does not make any sense.
In the midst of a panic attack, I pull up a letter I had drafted years before- I change the date and hit print. I end up printing it 3 times because my hand shakes horribly when I sign it. I rush to a friend to get Xanax pills for my anxiety. I then locate someone who has beer. I shotgun one and drink one Xanax. I sit at my desk a bit more calm.
I then begin the task of locating the HR person. They are nowhere to be found. I then contact someone that sits nearby and ask them to call me when the HR person returns to their office. In the midst of this another pang of anxiety hits. I down another Xanax and go for another beer. My crazy is showing… “