I am all about the happy. I love it, I revel in it and it feeds my soul. With that said, I would also like to acknowledge that it’s not always rainbows, unicorns and pixie dust over in the sunny state of Mary by way of California.
I have been feeling tired, exhausted and been asking myself “what the f*ck am I doing?” In conjunction with all of this I have been isolating. I have been really finding it hard to get out.
I enjoyed walking my dog until she got infested with fleas. That totally killed the romancing we had going on. No longer did I feel ok sleeping with her and the poor dog has been extra stiff because of her sleeping on the floor. It also takes me a while to get outside. I don’t know where to go or what to do.
|Martini’s Fleas were eating us alive… Mutant Fleas.
Then there’s this whole maybe I should get a job thing. I don’t want to f*cking work. My entire life all jobs I have held have been pretty horrible* (*except maybe for that time I worked at Macy’s and took naps in the stockroom.) My soul does not want to have a boss or anyone telling me what to do. It makes me break out in hives to think that I would have to wake up early every day. The rebel inside me says F*ck it! F*ck it all! Damn having to work. I just want to be FREE. It totally sucks and I send out my condolences to everyone who finds themselves reading this while not doing work at their desk. I feel your pain.
I have been doubting myself big time. I feel apprehension about stepping into my power as a teacher even as I continue to be a student and do the spiritual work. I have been asking myself “What am I here to teach? What is my message? Is it even worth telling?”
What I am trying to convey is that I am living life in this place called the unknown. Whilst being here and throwing a magenta color themed pity party I have been getting signs to get my sh*t together and post/share my message and even my current reality of self doubt. (Oh, look at that, I am human!)
I had initially been feeling that I need to first gain clarity as to what my message is before I can begin and be aggressive in blogging/teaching. This is just my ego trying to confuse me. The reality is that clarity is gained after I begin- that is when all is revealed, when the universe sees that I have the courage to take the first step.
It’s funny that over the past couple of days I have been getting heartwarming messages over Facebook thanking me. I’d like to take the time to thank everyone that texted or called me. Your love, swift kick in the ass and support has truly lifted me. Thank you for seeing me when all I wanted was to be invisible- even though that is most definitely not the truth of who I am.
Now for our regularly scheduled program…
|I’m coming out… !!! GROARRRRRRRRR!!!!
I want to hear from YOU: When have you experienced self doubt? How were you able to snap out of it? Any awesome tips or tricks to share?
Thank you for reading,
“And Please don’t ever let self-consciousness keep you from stepping out into a world that would be unimaginably incomplete without you.
You are a vessel of light, a holy ghost and frankly, so dang “hot.”
Proud of you,