The Myth of the "Normie": Get Over The Itch To Be Perfect

One of the things that I have been doing here in California is going to open meetings of abstinence based recovery programs. I heard the term “normie” in reference to myself and was completely shocked…

I asked for a clarification. Apparently a “normie” is a normal person who is outside of the program and who is not in recovery.


I completely laughed at the characterization of myself as a “normie.” That’s when I really got thinking. People who could even be considered “Normal”- are hiding the ominous secret that there is no such thing as normal. This concept of the “normie” and all that it stands for is an illusion and a joke.

Hi, my name is Mary. I am 30+ years old and I am a Hello Kitty-holic.

Simply the absence of seemingly addictive behaviors does not a happy person make. I view myself and other people as having other destructive behaviors and habits that may not be easy to spot. I, personally, engage in subtle acts of self – destruction and sabotage. That’s my preference and to the outside world it may appear as though I am “normal” but that does not mean that I engage in healthy behaviors nor does it mean that I am adding value to my life and the lives of others. I think the vast majority of us are in triage mode and one disaster away from losing it.

Normal is just a charade. We are all on the spectrum of dysfunction. No one is normal. We live in a world of chaos where we each have our poison of choice. We all have the issues and the story that we need to work on.

The way I see it- We are all fighting our own battles and though they may not look like your own- everyone has gone through their very personal crucifixion, struggle and redemption (only to perhaps fall again under the weight of habits/thoughts/”weaknesses”)- appearances AND perceptions are most definitely deceiving.

I, on the other hand, also think that we are perfect, happy and whole. Our higher self is aligned and connected to source. The human condition is the imperfect condition which is the perfect part of it because it is exactly as it should be. There is constantly a friction between being and doing. What we be is perfect and holy. Our actions and our expressions can at times be flawed but they in no way detract from our truth. We all have our version of the story and our personal cross to bare. It’s our job to stop continuously crucifying ourselves and others simply because we “sin differently”. The privilege of a lifetime is to learn to transmute these stories, hurts and pains so that we are not continuously stuck in the vicious cycle of acting out from our wounds.

The myth of the “normie” must die along with the notion that there are those who are acing life and those who are messing things up… These f(*)cked up expectations only serve to alienate us from each other. We are all here to learn and to make mistakes in this life. If we were perfect and had no need to work things out – we would never ever have incarnated in the human form. There is no direct path. We are all here to get our hands dirty with our very own personalized curriculum. Welcome to Humanity 101- please have a seat. Fuck ups were meant to happen. They were expected to happen.

Oh, look at that- WE ARE ALL HUMAN!!!! Who woulda thunk?!!??!


This is how we learn- by DOING and BEING. We are more nuanced as human beings and have more depth of soulfulness because of the richness of our experiences. This should be worn as a badge of honor not a mark of shame. The “normie” label and the concept of normality, as even a possibility, is simply an attempt to white wash and glaze over the plurality of the human experience. Its attempt at homogenizing does harm by marginalizing subsets and categories of individuals. What we do not realize we are doing when we acknowledge and cater to the normal is that we are actually disavowing the diversity, weirdness, potential for change and uniqueness that exists inside our being. We are saying that the parts inside of us that are not normal are by definition wrong. This creates a huge identity crisis and anxiety that permeates our being and affects the social fabric we see outside our selves. In maintaining the myth of the “normie,” we not only cause our own pain but it also has larger implications as to how our brothers, sisters and siblings get treated out in the world. Learn to be more of yourself. Embrace the non “normie” pieces of you (hint: all the pieces are non -“normie”).

Being diversely “flawed” was part of the genius of the holy human design- it allowed for survival and for many different forms of adaption. Being a non-“normie” is our greatest asset.

“Fuck that normative nonsense!” (Alex Rees via Cosmo) Rock on perfectly imperfect vessel!


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