I swoon at the thought of seemingly “coincidences” lining up and synchronicity taking hold of my life. I love it when it seems as if I am part of a movie- or better yet, a feel good comedy.
This New Years Eve did not disappoint. It all started not very exciting. I was still riding off the high of being back in California but the jet lag was holding me down.
I had resolved to have an awesome New Year’s Eve but I found my brain convincing itself that it needed a nap before I could really party. I identified these feelings and emotions as those belonging to someone who was “old.”
I knew where that was leading- one 30 minute nap leads to me calling my friends to let them know that “I just can’t make it out tonight anymore, sorry girls :(.”
This is when I circumvented the crazy, brushed off the feelings of tired and dusted off my pimp hat and cane- I laid out my outfit and started with a sparkly manicure to amp up my energy. I played a movie as I got ready- makeup, hair, mani/pedi and accessory coordination was on point (the youngins say “on fleek”).
I then proceeded to sashay in my fold-able party flats (if you’re an amateur- you don’t know about that) to the bus stop. That’s right- my faux affluenza self was strutting in my sequined dress, and expensive accessories to go take public transportation – I love a good juxtaposition.
I get to dinner only to find that my friend had been battling the exact same war on her end- having pushed plans to begin later and then doubting her resolve of being the vicious sober party animals that we are.
After dinner, we moseyed on over to the Sofitel to get some hard partying out of the way. Waters in hand and stone cold sober we hit the dance floor where the DJ hit us with a wide range in different languages.
As the New Year inched its way closer, I suddenly heard the unmistakable opening to Alicia Keys and Jay-z’s Empire State of Mind. I looked down at my phone to see that 2016 was only a couple of minutes away and here I was singing my way out of 2015 by belting out the lyrics, “Let’s hear it for New York, New York, New York.”
I just kept looking at my friends and saying “No way! Really?!!?”
We then headed out of the party. As I waited with one of my friends, I played with the idea of potentially taking a car service home. I immediately pulled up my Lyft app.
I fidgeted to get a quote for my ride home and saw that it would come out to about $27. My friend then suggested I look at Uber. It confirmed that wait times for both apps hovered anywhere between 15 to 20 minutes.
This is where the similarities ended. I realized that Uber was scalping rides- my ride home would be $57…
“That’s not going to happen!” With that, it was decided that I would take good ol’ faithful, the stretch limo aka the public bus, home.
I positioned myself at the bus stop away from the drunken smoking crowd that had accumulated at the restaurant nearby. What I had failed to notice was that there was a drunken pair of bro’s by the waiting area.
One of them was slumped over sitting on the bench and the other was standing in front of him but in the middle of the street. The bro in the middle of the street was yelling at the slumped bro.
He had an elaborate plan to steal an Uber from the people who were smoking and waiting for their rides. “JACOB, GET UP! LET’S GO! BE READY TO HOP IN” he slurred.
Slumped bro, Mr. Jacob, was all too comfortable sitting and laughing at his friend. Jacob was trying to get him to sit and wait for the Uber he was trying to request.
A car approached. Hustling bro ran to the passenger seat, shut the door and rolled down the window. Slurred words were exchange along with a threat of leaving Jacob behind.
That is when the cab driver told him to get out. The cab driver rolled down his window and asked me if I was Jennifer.
I was not a Jennifer, I was a Mary. As soon as I uttered my response, a drunken Jennifer stumbled on by and was assisted into the cab by her slightly less drunk companion.
That was when Jacob got fed up and told his friend “we see what you are trying to do. This girl sees you- she knows.”
He then turns to me and presents a fist expecting a bump from me. I awkwardly oblige and laugh to myself. The New Years has truly gotten off to an amazing start- show and all.
Their Über eventually came and they departed. God knows if they woke up to an Uber-taxi price tag shock.
My SOBER self waited for the bus for 10 more minutes in my sequin dress. 20 minutes for $1.75 sounds good to me-scratch that- bus meter was broken so it was FREE! bwahaha
HAPPY NEW YEARS! 2016 IS GOING TO BE EPIC! From NYC to LA BABY!