You Suck as CEO [of your life]

I’m just leaving this one right here for me – just talking to me self and intended for my self only. For edification purposes only

Real title of post- “I Suck as CEO [of my life]” 🙂

Holy Holy HOLY fuckerssssss!!! I’ve been watching my self. After 36 years…

I uncovered a blatant lie and fallacy – it hit me sideways unexpectedly (as these things usually do)-

What’s your addiction? Everyone has their thing. Some people do drugs, others chase the high of the next win/conquest/love affair/porn/illicit affair, others play the ostrich – Mary likes to shop.

I was sitting down on the computer when I had  the inescapable urge to spend cash. I added things to my cart and I was just overcome with the sense and knowing that

I HAVE EVERYTHING I NEED. I NEED NOT LOOK TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD FOR VALIDATION OR FOR THE THINGS I THINK I AM MISSING. The outside is simply a lie/an illusion/a life that has been created/built (a construct) but not the truth of who and what i am.

No supplements or drugs or tinctures or advice seeking necessary. I just got to make up my mind to embody what it is that I must focus/highlight. Highlight x, practice a new loop/circle/habit, stay within the essence of it (thinking/writing/meditating/praying-HIGHLIGHT IT/FOCUS FOCUS/HIGHLIGHT).

I suck as CEO. This is why I am not titled CEO anywhere in my experience.

QUESTION: Who’s the decision maker of my life? Why is the boat sinking? Why do i always feel like crap? Why am i always tired? Why am I so fucking negative? Why did I get drunk and do (SHUT YO MOUF!!!).

ANSWER: It’s not your boss. It’s not the company you work for or the job you hate. It’s for fucks sake not the boyfriend you want to get away from or the wife you want to divorce. All these outside things are simply people places things and circumstances that you continuously pay (PAY) to play a part in your life. Your shit is your own. You’ve been hiring everyone, writing the checks, scouting the locations and running the lines over and over and over again… I just want to break it to you gently – YOU SUCK AS CEO OF YOUR LIFE.

It’s time to get serious – there’s been an egregious mismanagement of resources (your life/passions/energy/time). You don’t need to buy more, add more amazing experiences to your life, move locations or change out the actors.

You have got to marinade in the fact that SHITS NOT WORKING NO MORE. YOU’RE NOT WORKING ANYMORE.

Mind your own g-ddamn business. Look at all the ins and outs – all the data points – what are all of the results evident in your life.

It’s time for the claw back-recall your power-look under the cushions in your couch or in the fridge or freezer – perhaps you left it under your mattress or when you changed purses. Take it all back. Your power. Reclaim your time. Build that spine back up – stand straight and get yourself some cojones (maybe someone is holding them for safekeeping in a jar – ask for them back 🙂

Dont watch the news. Dont give advice. REPEAT AFTER ME:



If you dont have it locked down at home – you carrying all that pollution, bullshit and fuckery with you into the outside world so that it can join the pain/fuckery/pollution/shitshow of others (BIG AVALANCHE OF SHIT IN THE MAKING). DONT DO THAT. NO MORE PUTTING BANDAIDS ON GAPING WOUNDS – GOT TO FIND THE ROOT CAUSE OF THE THING (WHATEVER YOUR THING IS).

Lock it down in your body/mental/health and homefront. After that, I am almost certain everything else will sort itself out. You have to develop all areas of your life. There’s no more fragmentation. There’s no leaning on the outside for things that are missing and lacking on the inside. You have to fortify and strengthen your being. MIND, BODY AND SPIRIT ARE ALL IMPORTANT. GOTTA STAND ON ALL LEGS. However many legs your life has – they all have to be usable! AND paying back into you/productive/happiness inducing to your self/being/soul/mental well being. Everything has to be an asset that pays back dividends.

While you’re at it – clean out your closets and make sure there aren’t any skeletons left over from 2019.

You may be tempted to add a thing or buy a thing or subscribe to a thing (fuck the gym) – DON’T DO IT. DON’T PLUS IT. INSTEAD MINUS – TAKE SOMETHING AWAY. PARE DOWN. ESSENCE. HIT YOUR BASICS HARD. DON’T BUY. DON’T BUY IT. (this isn’t about shopping anymore in case you’re wondering)

Hunker down. 2020 gonna be crazy. Can’t hide shit!

Year of truth/honesty and the realization of the Self. Things are being born – make way! MAKE WAYYYYYY!

And if ever you find yourself wondering what the fuck is going on around you and why is shit falling apart. Take a moment and look in the mirror – you will find the answer in your eyes.

EVERYTHING YOU SEE IN YOUR OUTSIDE WORLD IS SIMPLY A SPINOFF OF THE ORIGINAL BULLSHIT STORY YOU HAVE GOING ON WITH YOU. WHY WE MAKING SEQUELS AD NAUSEAM AND PRETENDING LIKE WE ARE NOT EXECUTIVE PRODUCING and DIRECTING THIS BULLSHIT? (For further clarity – I am reminded of Fight Club when we find out that there is no tyler and the main character has simply been fighting himself this whole time [another aside – damn brad was extra hot in that movie! get it Helena! Bangy bang bang!)

I should re-title this one – Suck a d*ck… but alas nah


There is no Tyler Durden. [Insert Brad Abs here]

Screen Shot 2020-01-08 at 1.50.29 PM

Running to re-watch Fight Club 🙂


and done-M



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