Running Out of Paper Towels

Cover your eyes + ears - I'm about to spew some truths...
Imma make a mess...

I’m done with cleaning up the mess for other people. I’m done doing my work and then doing it for someone else. I’m not letting you copy my homework anymore or see the answers. It’s irresponsible. I have to let people learn how to fish + hunt + survive on their own. I can’t save anyone from themselves and I can’t protect you from your life + feelings + decisions that you’ve made. I can’t chew your food for you!

Everyone has to do the work. More specifically – everyone has to do their own work. You have to live your life, clean up your own mess and make your bed. Learn to lie in the discomfort of the consequences of the actions you’ve taken and the decisions you’ve made.

It is none of my business. And what’s more profound is that in all this anger and resentment towards “everyone” – I realized – I was half assing my life and neglecting my mental + spiritual + emotional health. I was neglecting me. I was the one not doing the work.

I. WAS. THE. EVERYONE. I was so mad at.

I was selling myself off (once again!) for a paycheck and betraying my self. I wasn’t doing my own damn work. I had gone in – started, yes – but I had not gone DEEP. I was skating- putting life on autopilot and coasting. Anxiety and unhappiness told me I wasn’t aligned, wasn’t speaking my truth and was once again wearing a mask. (And clearly I went to a therapist and got on meds. 2+ years ago [ALWAYS REACH OUT + GET HELP – ALWAYS!!!])

The lie OR MASK is whatever your specific struggle is. For me it’s that I neglect everything for work. That I have to work hard to the detriment of my personal life and my happiness. Work (and by proxy money + things) are my drug of choice. It was studying, activities, volunteering etc when I went to school- doing just to do. This was my template to dissatisfaction. I miss-use work and my energy. The result is I hurt myself with work and the crazy that results.

Spiritual Path – You build you build you learn. You grow. You’re wise, soulful spiritual and then you’re out in the world living life REVERTING RIGHT BACK TO YOUR REGULAR OLD PATTERNS.

Being cranky because you haven’t eaten. Being exhausted because you haven’t meditated. Your back aching because you sit your ass on the rolly chair for 9+ hours. Stealing from Peter to pay Paul. Cutting corners left and right. In pain, anxious, crying on a random Thursday night because your boss looked at you sideways and raised her voice just a little in your direction.

!!!!! There is no shortcut to life!!!!

Are you PLAYING FAST + LOOSE?

The easy way is the hardest way of them all because you get to the end and realize – you constructed on quicksand, your foundation is shaky and your days are numbered. Lo baroto sale caro. That which is cheap and easy ends up costing a lot. You are so hard and mean to yourself because you are so easy and irresponsible with your Self and your resources (Marianne Williamson + A Course In Miracles). You can’t put a band-aid on a gaping wound. Our souls are crying in pain and our hearts are broken.

SHIT. IS. GOING. TO. FALL. DOWN.

You can’t cover the sun with your finger. Truth will come out. Unhappiness will show you where the pain is. Your life, as you know it, will stop “working.” You will be brought to your knees. You will see the meaningless of the life you’ve led. And in that moment of silence, when you think all hope is lost- your heart will break.

In your despair, you will be shown that it was god (the UNIverse) that put that blessed little crack in your heart and that that, dear friends, that is where the light will shine in and eternal hope will grow. That is when you will know what to do.

Let your life fall apart. Die. Change. Evolve. Burn that shit to the ground! LET THAT MOTHA F*CKA BUUUURNNN!!

There is no resurrection without death. A phoenix is not simply born. You must MUST MUST rise from the ashes of the old you (your predecessor).

Humpty Dumpty #neverforget #crackopen

Adulting is challenging.

I’m just over here having a low key quiet nervous breakdown- crying in the mother f-ing corner and enjoying every second of it. GraceFULLy Overwhelmed with my beautiful abundant life :). Setting hard loving boundaries. Taking hard passes on things that do not serve me. Looking at the blueprint of my life – simplifying and learning discipline. Process + Procedure – gotta learn to love that process/life/living. Devil’s in the details and when all seems to go “wrong” go back to basics.

Letting people clean up their own shit and buy their own paper towels is a good start. Now back to minding my own.

Dont sleep on the quiet ones… Iā€™m in the other room building empires…

I don’t have to speak or explain myself- you will see the results.

STRONG, THICK AND ABSORBENT.

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