UnHealthy Work Environments: Petri Dish for Anxiety & Depression


It’s surreal to believe that I lived a life where “happiness” was brought to you by a little blue pill, calm was slipping a white dissoluble sweet sphere under my tongue and energy to drag myself through the day came from chugging venti skim lattes and red bulls. At the end of the day there was never any reprieve, I was still wired and dreading my tomorrows. This left me to drink a night cap along with one quarter pill of benedryl just to fall asleep and be able to do it all over again the following day. That was my life only 16 months ago!

Of course I had anxiety and depression. I only now had the realization hit me like a ton of bricks- I grew up with a paranoid schizophrenic father where walls were punched, doors broken off hinges and cops were called. To say that I had PTSD as a result of that upbringing is  pretty accurate.

Continue reading “UnHealthy Work Environments: Petri Dish for Anxiety & Depression”

Mary’s on the Lamb: From New York City to California

Have you ever just sat there and thought- why can’t that be me? Why can’t I have the courage to do x y z? 
Life is funny. Three years ago, I had a boyfriend, a job in Private Equity, and had a roommate living in a two bedroom two bathroom apartment in Manhattan.

Looking back, I was poor as heck. All I had to keep me company were all these outside things. Status, job, cold hard cash and a relationship. I did not know myself and I did not have an understanding of my worth or who I was.

I said F*ck it to all that! I walked away from everything with my middle fingers in the air…
Now, almost 11 months into FUNemployment- I am happily in a deeply committed relationship with myself, I am no longer defined by my job or connections. I stand in all the glory that is being with my self. I am at complete peace – and there is no paycheck or dollar amount that can buy that!
I have been asked- what is the next step? What does one do after FUNemployment? 
I have a huge announcement- I will be moving to Cali-freaking-fornia! Yes, you read that correctly. After 31 years, being born and raised in New York City. Having gone to college just steps away in upstate New York- I, Mary, will be moving to the West Coast. I am defecting to California!!!!
Never mind the fact that I do not currently have a drivers license and I currently do not have a place to live. Please disregard the fact that I do not have any family in Cali… Let’s not even mention that financials are where they should and ought to be after 1 full year of not working the rat race or the h*e stroll…
God is my driving instructor. He is also my realtor, he has been my financial planner and bank. God is my backup and my only plan. He is the CEO of Mary Inc. I do not care to know the how or the details of this coming to pass. Ladies and gentlemen I present to you the ultimate leap of faith. I surrender. I believe.
F*ck it! I am ready. Lead me where you’d have me go.

Why can’t it be you? Why the F*CK can’t it be you? I am not special. I gave up thinking “what if…” I gave up thinking “why can’t I…” soon enough, the goal is to give up thinking too.
The Universe has my back. I am no more special than you. It’s time to spread your wings and fly. You were meant to soar. All you need to do is JUMP. The Universe will meet you where you are if it sees that you mean business.
I am giving you up New York City. I would have never thought that I could have lived without you but here goes nothing…
Now onto the next chapter in this crazy book of life. 
What decisions would you make differently if you knew you could not fail? Once Monday comes around- would you still make it into work? Would you live in a different place? What’s holding you back from living your one wondrous awesome life to its fullest potential? 
P.S. Support my crazy dream of (F) UNemployment: Read more here. Donate here. 
Twitter  •  Facebook 

(function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i[‘GoogleAnalyticsObject’]=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,’script’,’//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js’,’ga’); ga(‘create’, ‘UA-42436616-1’, ‘auto’); ga(‘send’, ‘pageview’);

Soul Sucking Central: Modern Retelling of Plato’s the Cave

Chained to the desk. We think that the drama of the workplace and building a life around work is the norm. 
The workplace is a highly regulated synthetic environment. 
From the moment you leave your apartment- you commute to work. You are funneled through stairways and platforms to cramped trains, similar to how cows and farm animals are corralled into sorting pens, rushing from one location to another to make it in on time.
You somehow make it to your desk. The desk that you are chained to all day. You don’t get a window or access to light. You are not aware of the weather or the outside environment unless you have access to an office. You get yellow fluorescent lighting. Temperature is controlled. Too cold in the winter and freezing in the summer. They want to keep the meat fresh- keep you cold.
The policies that govern interactions are pre made by the powers that be. Life at work is controlled.  The outside world is suspended. Here you are not a parent, a sibling, a caretaker, a wife/husband/significant other/partner- here you are a worker who is here to churn out production and make money.
Everyone is hell bent on having immediate gratification. Of getting their own way. Of wielding power/control and ego’s. The ego’s are too big to be contained in the building. You have to be careful of stepping on toes and making sure feelings are not hurt. It’s high school drama times a million. 
You see these people 5 days out of the week spending 40 plus hours a week with them yet they are strangers. You do not know them. They may ask you how you are doing but do they truly listen to your answer? Strangers passing in the hallway. Interactions are for the most part superficial and built on what can you do or provide for me. Rare is a friendship- even rarer is genuineness. All under these fluorescent lights.
They pretend as if people will die if deadlines are not met. Things, acquiring stuff/money and getting things done at certain times are all that matters- people and treatment of others falls by the way side. 
As we earn more money and manage to move up in this made up world- we begin to need more stuff. Our fear of keeping this “more stuff” keeps us dependent on the system that does not have our best interest at heart. It was made to be self serving- to elevate and enrich those at the top and promote those that are able to work well within the confines and feed into the machine. 
In exchange, we get “job security,” two weeks vacation, 401K retirement plan, a transit perk, life insurance that covers death and dismemberment (and death via suicide after two years). We are lucky. We have a job. We have somewhere to be every day. We don’t have to think. We don’t have to be creative- things are planned out for us. 
What we forget is that it is all a construction. It is all made up. We are watching but the shadows on the wall cast by the fluorescent lights. We think that it is real when it is not. 
All that is real is love- our relationship with ourselves, god and others. All else (perceived grievances, material things, acquisitions, money, caste, stations in life, ego etc) is meaningless. 
You don’t realize that you have just arrived to the slaughterhouse. Dreams are sacrificed here- this is where dreams come to die. Welcome to Soul Sucking Central- will you be punching in?
I want to be able to sleep at night. I want to wake up in happiness. I want life to be a joyful experience. I want to radiate happiness and joy. I want to care about what really matters- loving/being.
Knowing that in this moment I don’t have to do anything whatsoever or at all. I am perfect. I am love and happiness embodied. 
I can miss all the deadlines in the world. I don’t exist in time. Time is a gift and an illusion. I have no where to be and nothing to do. I have nothing to lose and nothing can be threatened. This is the biggest gift of all. This is the gift of (F) unemployment.
Deep down inside of me, I know that there is a better way. We were not created to live in the zoo/circus that is called job/work.
I know that none of this is real. NONE OF THIS IS REAL. NONE OF THIS IS REAL!!!! We constructed this life and we can deconstruct it. We can opt out of the craziness. We stand in our own way. It is up to us to decide to be the hero in our own stories- will you opt to save yourself or will you continue to be chained to your desk looking at the shadows on the wall… or will you join the (F) unemployed revolution? 
P.S. Support my crazy dream of (F) UNemployment: Read more here. Donate here. 
Twitter  •  Facebook 

(function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i[‘GoogleAnalyticsObject’]=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,’script’,’//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js’,’ga’); ga(‘create’, ‘UA-42436616-1’, ‘auto’); ga(‘send’, ‘pageview’);