My Ebay Store: I’m a Hustler Baby!

I looooove shopping! I love it so much that I think it might even be an addiction. Correction: It is an addiction and I am definitely a shopaholic. During my FUNemployment period (thus far I am going on NINE MONTHS!!!) I have stopped shopping almost completely. 
During a dinner with friends, I was told that there was a crazy sale where most items in the store were marked down a whopping 75% off… I clearly went to check it out. This is like being the one and only sheep amongst wolves- totally not a good idea. I hit the mother load! I found a Missoni silk scarf, vacation attire and awesomeness. 

As I was contemplating my scarf purchase- the idea hit me that maybe I should go back and purchase more. I could do something that I enjoyed doing (shopping!!!) but I could do it with the end result of making money. Off I went and purchased a few items that you can see in my ebay store.
I also thought that I could auction some of my own “stuff” to ebay. I find it so difficult to even think of parting with my crap (beautiful valuable items). I have so many work clothes that I could easily sell but I find it outstandingly painful to part with any of it. I guess I could list things on a whim and see if it sells the first time around… Just to see what happens. 
All of these things are just not reflective of who I am and they most certainly no longer contribute to where I would like to be in the future. So I find it funny and oddly bizarre that it’s so difficult to part with things that I am no longer using. 
I can sell all of my rat race clothes… I have no need for them. I will no longer be on the hamster wheel but I find it so. very. hard. to. move. on.
Not for sale yet…
Maybe it’s reflective of that little inner voice that doubts. 
That inner voice that says- “Hey Mary, you should keep the crap because you never know… maybe one day you’ll be forced to go back. You’ll be forced to swallow all your pride and just go back with your head hung in defeat. Back to all those things that I have been fighting against for the past 9 plus months.” How do I quiet that little voice? How do i tell it to f*ck off? I have got this. 
I have got this. I’ve got this. 
I.Have.This.
I.HAVE.GOT.THIS.
THIS IS ALL MINE. 
THIS HAS MARY WRITTEN ALL OVER IT. 
I am sitting here googling how much these dresses cost on ebay, how much they go for and how much I actually paid for them. It is just madness. How did I spend so much money on this crap? It’s just crap and yet I still don’t want to get rid of it. I am feeling a bit of anxiety. Things are coming up because this is exactly where I need to go in my life- I need to get rid of the clutter. I need to liquidate the crazy and put a “For Sale” sign… 
Life is not always pretty. When you are doing the deep work things can get messy. 
Do I have power over this stuff or does it own me? Will I be tied down to this stuff, not able to move about freely in the world and travel because I’d rather have this expensive dress sitting in my closet? 
Where is my allegiance – With traveling or with the stuff? How badly do I want to be free? How badly do I want to travel? How badly…
Wow this brought up some serious shit that I was not expecting. 
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How much is your Soul worth?

My mess in all its glory- G-d I bless this mess! Amen!

I am constantly having a crisis of faith (in case you haven’t noticed by looking around this blog). I ran across this article and it hit a nerve. My sentiment is that we should do what we love. There are plenty of others willing to endure the grind- let them have it! Don’t settle for meaningless four walls and big TV. You must ask ourselves -how much is your soul worth?
“We got sidetracked and diverted into these boxes, these cubicles in offices,” he says. “So instead of investing your time in a passion, you’ve sold your life to work for an uncaring machine that doesn’t understand you. That’s the problem with our society. And what’s the reward? Go home and get a big TV.”

Pyramid of society…
The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.
I was somehow stuck on the what’s the reward piece of his analysis. Very often we sit in cubicles in front of computer screens not only wasting away but losing our souls. Being conscious that the joy that was once inside of us has now become a faint whisper. What is our reward? A paycheck in exchange for our energy, health, the passage of time that we will never get back in a job or career that we are not 100% happy with? This video is a must watch: 

It points out the difference between contribution vs. finding a job to spend our time in. It makes the point that we must invest our time in something that you have a connection to and are passionate about. 
I began to reflect- I had the courage to quit and walk out of these crazy job situations that were not serving me but what have I done with this gift of time. I have forged new contacts and connections but I still somehow feel like I have squandered it. 
I saw it as a great opportunity but at no point did I seize upon it to squeeze every moment of enjoyment out of it. 
I was home- perhaps I could have blogged more? Written a book? Set myself on a disciplined schedule where I exercised, walked my dog and meditated? What contribution have I truly made with my time off? 
I am here to confess that the behind the scenes of Mary Your Soul is a hot mess! You would think that I had all this time to my self but I barely walked my dog a handful of times, I did not maintain consistency. I never exercised more than 10 times in 8 months. I have not really been eating right. I had my apartment cleaned by my MOTHER. I cleaned once and spot picked up/cleaned very rarely. I now have clothes on the ground in my room and any visible surface is full of crap. My dog needs a haircut and bath. 
I have spent my money on events and going out to meet friends at breakfast/lunch/dinner. – well not spent my money but charged that Chase “freedom” card that has not really been giving me freedom. I am outing myself! 
What I do know is that I am not panicking. Which kind of scares me a little bit. I am afraid because the tinge of anxiety that has a negative feedback on my emotions is gone. I no longer feel a tightness in my chest and the sensation of having a heart attack.
I am calm and serene- I have no idea why (Vedic Meditation- could that be your doing?).
There are areas in my life where I still don’t take my own advice. That whole relationship thing alludes me. I Have been sticking to old habits and patterns that do not serve me. I am here to say that I still have not made the leap of faith in all areas. The fact that I am unemployed just goes to show that I am in maintenance and not in the stage of creation. It’s time to jump back in either with my own business or finding a spiritual realm/job thing.
What I am trying to say is that I was compelled to go to that article and testify that…
“I resigned from a 24 Billion dollar Private Equity shop in March 2013 & quit an 8 billion dollar hedge fund in May 2014. I have been retired from finance and enjoying the FUNemployed lifestyle for the past 8 months. I’m making it up as I go along but I feel a real push to motivate & inspire others to quit the rat race. I’m currently a blogger/Disruptor and all around cheerleader for happiness. My story and journey at www.MaryYourSoul.com
To earn the privilege of saying those words- it has been messy and I have been faced with many challenges. When you are cleaning a house it must first get messy and you must take everything out to assess what will be kept and what is just holding you back. This journey is not easy and I am still earning my stripes. I am not afraid to peel back the curtain. 
The road to success is paved with failureS
My happiness cannot be bought. I will not trade in my soul for a paycheck. 
There is no price tag big enough that can reflect how much this time in FUNemployment has given me. There is no quantifiable number dollar. I don’t care if I go into debt for a Billion dollars with debtors knocking down at my door and eviction notices- This has all been worth it. 
I can absorb this investment in myself. I am working on my terms and in divine timing. This is not only a work of self love- it is a work of a radical manifesto. No longer will I be diminished to some stagnant number in a bank account that is reflective of my past suffering.  I have regained my sanity, joy for life and composure. I am no longer afraid.  I can yell from the mountaintops- THE RAT RACE IS NOT WORTH LOSING YOUR SOUL!!!
We have lots of people doubting, self hating, unhappy, and sleeping THROUGH LIFE. It’s about time someone hit the gong and woke everyone up! There are so many things that need our attention. 
Everyone is different and not everyone is able or willing to take such a drastic step. What decisions are you making to maintain things “as is”? Is it worth it for you? (If you’re selling your soul- I know someone who can give you a good price…)
Are you willing to contemplate the fact that you can lose your job but gain an occupation? All you need is a little creativity. What have you got to lose? 

Love & Mischief, 

Mary
“Life is a flow of Love; Your Participation is requested” – Yogi Teas

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Pre- Ted Talk: My Advice to the Youth on My 30th Birthday

I was asked what for my advice for turning 30(after my awesome advice for 29 year old’s). I didn’t quite have it figured it out yet – I just got my foot in the door just now.

I am working on the below as my pre- TED talk 🙂 I have a feeling this bad boy will go viral. In honor of my previous post being on the side of sad- I give you an unfinished post:

I was asked to go to career day at a school (signs you are growing old for a 100, Alex). I got it in my head that you only do the damn thing once – in hopes of reaching a wider audience (Pre- TED Talks I have named this), I will be recording my misadventures with the chil’ren. First at the career day for 12 year olds and, I subsequently invited myself to a second event, at a college essay writing workshop for rising high school seniors. Because my friend does not trust me… (I wonder why O:p ::cough:cough::) I have to pre-clear my awesome inspiring speech for ze babes:

1. #DreamBIG Forget about what everyone said was possible. “Possibilities” – as defined as norms and what society says is “possible” are just restrictions posing as advice (find another word). Sometimes there are dreams so BIG/Awe-some/incredible/inspiring that they do not even exist yet. You have to create them. You need to MAKE* your dreams come true *[as in roll up your sleeves, get dirty kind of hard work].

2. When people tell you no or that you’re crazy – Keep going. Push those limits.

3. Try different things. Think beyond PreMed/PreLaw/Finance/Hollywood/Baseball-Football-Basketball Player. I often get asked – “Oh, what did you major in while in college?” I majored in Feminist, Gender & Sexuality Studies with a concentration in Inequality. “Say what? What do you do with that?” Well, I basically watched porn, studied sex & inequality. (Griz Note: I will cut this part out)There are many people, if not most people, whose college major does not translate or have anything to do with their current jobs.

Let me repeat that: There are many people, if not most people, whose college major does not translate or have anything to do with their current jobs. No worries if you don’t get it right the first time.

I mean look at me, I used to get paid lots of money to basically sit there and do nothing. Now, I get even more money to work harder and put in longer hours. And, if you ask me what I want to do when I grow up – I would say- I want to find a way to get paid even more money to do what I LOVE.

Now, in your head you must be thinking – wow this old lady is greedy- why is everything about money? Mary, why is everything about money with you?

One of my greatest joys is volunteering and I want to have an even larger impact by having a job that gives me:

1. the time to volunteer
2. Pays me enough so that I can give it away.

So to that end, I was very happy to pay taxes this year. I asked my tax preparer what the tax brackets above mine are:

I made it my business and my aim to be taxed at the highest bracket- I would be very happy to pay it all. But then I’m reminded- at the highest levels you don’t pay taxes! You set up trusts and hide your money in offshore accounts 🙂 Swiss accounts here I come! (I JOKE!!!) A girl’s got to have goals!

Your parents gave you your name but you have the power to define who you are and who you wish to be. And guess what? If after years, you decide that it doesn’t serve you, you have the power to change it. You can push yourself to your limits.

So Mary, what is it you do?

I am a feminist, quiter of jobs, Jumper out of planes/buildings, a race runner, a Dalai Llama audience member, an assistant, a director of development, a jack of all trades, a blogger, a journeywomyn on this road of life marked with happiness – and in the end if none of that is good enough- hand me a paper clip and some gum because I’m going to MacGyver that shit!

My name’s Mary – I make miracles happen 😡

::Post Under Construction:: I need a tear jerker/truth teller portion… More to come!

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Dating: Don’t Show Me Your Crazy

I’m a romantic.
I don’t want to know your shortcomings on the first or second date. I want a little mystery. 
I prefer to discover your weirdness or quirks and faults along the way (much much later and in very small doses) and love you for them because they make you unique.
Let’s keep crazy to a bare minimum – let’s keep flaws only in as much as they make you you. Carry them with pride and confidence. But please don’t let me know at the beginning. Don’t introduce yourself with your inability to maintain stability and sanity.
I don’t want a fixer upper. I am no one’s psychotherapist – I suck. I have fired myself from doing this sort of work. 
I want a freakin’ “turn-key“/ready to move into sort of partner[in crime].
I will be picky and I will discern- Because my awesome deserves someone that can shine as bright next to me (keep your picky down to FIVE non-negotiable things- above that you risk crossing into “pain in the a-” territory).
Remember, some of those frogs may be nice lovely people but my love life is not where I recycle my same mistakes or conduct charity work… I will not be kissing those frogs- I don’t need to kiss someone in order to find out or have the revelation that I like them. I like them and then I want to kiss them (see the difference there?). Heck, if I like them, I will have to stop myself from jumping them… just saying.
Universe, I am asking & I am so ready to RECEIVE. Please and thank you. 
**Please note: Be picky but keep your non-negotiables down to FIVE. Food for thought, the price of admission: 

“The one is a lie. The one does not f*cking exist. A long term relationship that is successful is a myth. My boyfriend and I have a wonderful relationship built on a solid foundation of lies and deceit.” -paraphrased from Dan Savage

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Destination Maternity: Not Just for the Preggo Anymore

Last week I went to Philadelphia to spend time with my high school friend. She’s pregnant and due in December. I figured I’d pay her a visit before she went from being my friend to officially stepping into the mommy role full time. It was a last minute thing with me buying my bus ticket at about 1am that same morning. We planned a whole bunch of nothing with one thing for certain- the hubby would be mostly busy plugging away at school and work…
The first evening brought dinner at Sampan. This restaurant is amazing and I had been dreaming of eating their Philly Cheese Steak appetizer built on a Bao Bun with Shallot and Sriracha since the last time I was in Philly (almost a year ago!). This time around we got the Korean Fried Chicken, Beef Short Rib and Kobe Beef Fried Rice. Heaven never tasted so good. 
We planned for a spa day the next day- we googled and found Rescue Spa. They were able to accommodate us for later in the afternoon. In the meantime, we did breakfast and headed to the mall to look at pregnancy clothes and find a top or dress for my friend. 
We headed to Macy’s Maternity section which is strategically positioned all the way at the back of the store right next to the plus sized clothes. I think psychologically, this can take a toll on anyone. Walk by all the women’s clothes that you used to fit into and wave buh bye. Look at all the cute things that are out for the season but don’t stop because there’s a zero to slim chance you fit into any of it. Oh no, my friend, you belong in the back… way way back of the store. 
We finally located the preggo section and I could not believe my eyes. I was SHOCKED at the cuteness of the clothes. I started to gush. I fell in love with a sweater but my friend started to cry as she saw what was written on it, “Wish you were here.” I knew I had to get her one too. It was from the pea in the pod brand and my friend found it hilarious that I was walking into the dressing room with it. I tried it on and she was surprised it looked perfectly normal. I mentioned to her that that was the big move in Maternity Wear– items you can wear prior to, during and after pregnancy. I told her about HATCH– a modern maternity line that was fashion focused and super cute:

Number 1. can you believe that these women are pregnant? Number 2. I can so see myself snatching these clothes away from them… fancy event dress or comfy kickin’ it in style. I’ll have one of each please!
After shopping, we headed to Rescue Spa. My masseuse’s name was Venus. And baby she was doling out LOVE! I had the Harmony Essence Massage and my friend had the Pre-Natal Massage.  I have had massages all over the world, at the Waldorf, at Bliss Spa and at many other places. Venus at Rescue Spa is the best. And after your service don’t forget to shower. They have a Mr.Steam installed that when used with their crazy car wash-esque shower is divine! I was set. I could have died then. 
I headed out and while I waited for my friend’s massage to be done I wandered into Destination Maternity. Let me tell you- the land of pregnancy is a mystifying and scary thing… especially when traveling it alone. But here we have Destination Maternity, whose sales people, though peggo-less, wear the store’s garments. It’s so that “women know that the clothes work for after the pregnancy,” the saleswoman said. I learned that there are special breast feeding shirts and tops that snap on and off… And let me tell you what else I found: 
A wee wee cover for your wee wee having child. That’s right, you’re cooing and awing about your wonderful baby and you’re caught off guard. All of a sudden you catch a stream of yellow deliciousness right to the mouth! And let me tell you it ain’t lemony fresh! Stage left enter Pee Pee Teepee to save the day! Miracle worker! I ended up buying a belly cast kit and threatening to cast my friend. We spent the next morning immortalizing my visit and this wonderful moment with the belly cast. Without hesitation, she turns to me and says, “Mary, we’ll be doing this at your baby shower.” What!  ::deep breaths:: haha! I do cast a good belly: 
Pregnancy-land is dangerous! I came back to earth with my new shirt: 
Pea in the Pod eat your heart out!
Wish You Were Here! (I think in baby hormone infused preggo land- the shirt means wish the baby were here- hence the friend’s tears. It took me forever to get that one lol!)
Stolen from HATCH

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