DevaChan’s Pixie Cut: "Croaking" from Cancer & Honesty

They say that on one’s death bed, the only thing you will regret is having not done something…
Yesterday, I lay in bed waiting to get more sleepy as I read through articles. This was at about 3:20 in the afternoon. And yes, I was laying down for a nap (be jealous). I came across an article about cancer and the reality of dying. It spoke about someone who’s wife had been stricken with cancer. As her hair had began to fall out she asked that it be cut into a mohawk. They sent a photo to their best friend and he replied with a photo of his own. He had also cut his hair in mohawk in support. In that instant I looked at the time – it said 3:33 pm and I knew.
I knew in that moment that I would regret all my not’s. I would regret not moving to California (or at least not giving it an honest try). I would regret not learning to drive. I would regret not trying this whole life coaching business and going out on my own. I would regret not living life to its fullest. I would regret not being courageous. 
We move through life stopping ourselves. Holding back. Playing small. Not being honest. Committing sins of omissions or telling little white lies. I don’t want to lie anymore. I don’t want to hold back for fear of hurting someone or of insighting the rumor mill or having people speak of me. 
Anyway, what I am trying to say is that at 3:33 pm yesterday, I decided to cut my hair. I decided that I would have the courage to expand the definition of beauty. I always looked at those that had the balls to cut off their hair super short with jealousy. 
I heard a friend say- “Oh, I wish I could cut my hair into a pixie cut but no. First, I will catch a husband and then I will cut it off.” In my silence, I am ashamed to admit, I agreed with her and adopted that mentality for myself too. I will wait after x (after getting married and being bought and paid for? Or would I wait until I returned from my trip to California when I apartment hunted?). I will put it in the back burner for now.
A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life…
I had the desire. I can. I did. I wanted to expand my mind beyond…
No need to wait for x. No need to be stricken by anything. No need to stay where it is safe. No need to wait for approval. I am reclaiming my own life. No apologies. No regrets. 
After all, it’s only hair:
There is something very different about me – something deep within. I no longer have to wait for my life to be threatened to be pushed into action. I now see the fleetingness- correction- I now FEEL the fleetingness of every moment as I strive to live in the now. How beautiful.

The funny thing about reading an article is that sometimes we fail to identify with it. We just set it aside. I have learned that if it happens to one it happens to all of us. Over the past year, I have learned to feel great empathy and I am sometimes moved to tears. I don’t have to wait for it to happen to me to learn the great lessons of life.

Thank you FUNemployment for giving me the gift of feeling the depths of the joys of life- for allowing me to FEEL my humanity and love every second of it.

P.S. Support my crazy dream of (F) UNemployment: Read more here. Help me relocate to CALIFORNIA!!!! Donate here. 
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