FUNemployed vs. Unemployed

A word of CAUTION: FUNemployment is not for the faint of heart. If you don’t have the balls to gamble big- don’t even do it. Stay chained to your desk and save yourself the trouble. Don’t even consider it. If you are reading this so that you can draft up a cost-benefit analysis- just run away now. Being FUNemployed is not for you. With that in mind, hopefully I didn’t lose all of you, I give you the difference between being FUNemployed vs Unemployed:

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Self Doubt: It Happens to the Best of Us

I am all about the happy. I love it, I revel in it and it feeds my soul. With that said, I would also like to acknowledge that it’s not always rainbows, unicorns and pixie dust over in the sunny state of Mary by way of California.
I have been feeling tired, exhausted and been asking myself “what the f*ck am I doing?” In conjunction with all of this I have been isolating. I have been really finding it hard to get out.
I enjoyed walking my dog until she got infested with fleas. That totally killed the romancing we had going on. No longer did I feel ok sleeping with her and the poor dog has been extra stiff because of her sleeping on the floor. It also takes me a while to get outside. I don’t know where to go or what to do.
Martini’s Fleas were eating us alive… Mutant Fleas.
Then there’s this whole maybe I should get a job thing. I don’t want to f*cking work. My entire life all jobs I have held have been pretty horrible* (*except maybe for that time I worked at Macy’s and took naps in the stockroom.) My soul does not want to have a boss or anyone telling me what to do. It makes me break out in hives to think that I would have to wake up early every day. The rebel inside me says F*ck it! F*ck it all! Damn having to work. I just want to be FREE. It totally sucks and I send out my condolences to everyone who finds themselves reading this while not doing work at their desk. I feel your pain.
I have been doubting myself big time. I feel apprehension about stepping into my power as a teacher even as I continue to be a student and do the spiritual work. I have been asking myself “What am I here to teach? What is my message? Is it even worth telling?”

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Surrendering: God’s Plan vs. Your Plan


Leanne & I recorded another video!!!! I have spoken about letting go of your own plan before (read it here)
All of us can agree that we don’t want the struggle. We plan on controlling, scheduling, negotiating and elbowing in order to get our own way. This results in a struggle and in this false sense that I am the only one that’s not making it work. This is clearly wrong. None of us are able to make it work by ourselves. Our way is not working.

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Relocation Day: Your Plan vs. God’s Plan

I always imagined that the hardest part about making a move to the opposite coast would be dealing with the residuals of my past life. The picking up the pieces- throwing out what no longer serves me, packing those boxes and locking the door behind me for the very last time. 
I was very blessed in that I sold most things, made peace with the excess of my previous life and parted with many things. Angels showed up to pack my life away. The angels brought a cake that I could not eat because my nerves were working their magic on my stomach. I gave up at about 12:00 am the morning I was set to leave but not before making my family promise that they would store some of my things and return the mess that I had left behind into a pristine apartment. 
My brother slept on my couch to help me lug all of my baggage downstairs. At midnight, I set my phone’s alarm for 4:00 am so that I would be able to get ready and finished packing in time to leave for the airport at 6:00 am sharp. I connected my phone to its charger and passed out on my bed for the very last time. This was my plan.
I slowly open my eyes after peaceful sleep to discover- it is light out… that did not seem right. 4:00 am does not have any light. I looked at my phone, it displayed a caution message and was turned off. I must have missed my plane! I panic and run to the living room where my brother is sleeping… I wake him up and ask him the time – It’s 6:00 am. As my phone turns on I see a message from my friend who is scheduled to take me to the airport- he says, “I am downstairs whenever you are ready.”
How am I in this moment? I yell at my brother to take down all of my luggage as I rush to shower. I get ready and throw the rest of my toiletries in my bags. I collect the puppy and throw her in her carrier. I rush down and it’s 6:28 am. “Hey, maybe we should just leave at 6:30 am instead. I think that’s a better idea” I yell towards the guys who are waiting for me chatting by the car. They had packed the SUV to the brim. Only two seats left to spare.
We rush to the airport and sort out what terminal Virgin America is in. We rush in with three carts and make the line. We are standing in line for a bit when my friend goes to ask security where the check in personnel is. That is when we realize we are standing in the section for Virgin ATLANTIC. We run to the right section. 
After saying good bye. I make my way through security praying that I am not late. I get to my departure gate and board the plane. The pup goes under the seat in front of me. I ask the guy across the aisle to help me with my carry on. I sit down. I am waiting for take off and decide to make a call to my mom. 
The captain gets on the PA system. He says that the mechanics are working to fix the plane and are downloading software. This should take 20 minutes. Twenty minutes go by and he gets on again to announce that it will actually be taking 2 hours and that we would be deplaning to get on a new plane.  And that was when I could hear god laugh… I smiled.

At this point I don’t care about my plan working out or not. There’s a line form A Course In Miracles that says, “I do not perceive my own best interests.” Me, in my own limited brain, cannot for one second even pretend to know what is best or what should happen next. We rush and rush to plan, to predict, to make ourselves feel comfortable with the uncertainty of the future. We lose sight of the fact that our greatest asset is that uncertainty in the unknown. I no longer have my plan. I no longer rely on just myself. Life is bigger. Life is awesome when you know that the universe has your back. Moving to California has taught me that there are no limits and there’s no use in truly planning. Stick to broad strokes, ideas and desires – God will fill in the rest. Just put one foot in front of the other and you’re on the right path. It’s even better when you know that this adventure we call life will be not only be fun but that you will laugh along the way. As they say in California, I am in the wind…

P.S. Support my crazy dream of (F) UNemployment: Read more here. Help me relocate to CALIFORNIA!!!! Donate here. 
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A Course in Miracles: Shifting from Hardship to Perfect Love

This past Tuesday, I found myself in Jeffrey Mironov’s living room. He is A Course in Miracles teacher. At the beginning of class, he was asked a question that I really identified with. Someone present had recently entered unemployment. They found themselves battling negative speak from their ego and they wanted to know how to kick the rut and self defeating thoughts. Jeff’s response from my notes and recollection are below:

The entire nature of time and space is hardship- we developed abilities to distract ourselves from suffering. This plane is one that operates from insufficiency- it’s never enough. It’s never rich enough, long enough, short enough, deep enough. Beyond our human experience- difficulty does not exist. Biases are all burdensome. These biases get compounded and we become ego-centric. Over time, our tolerance becomes less and less. We reshuffle the deck (self help books, try a slightly different approach- spiritual entertainment etc) to shift our consciousness momentarily. Everybody is having the shared experience of difficulty in all areas (family, job, special relationships, hobby etc). People are becoming more cognizant every holiday. It’s rough having this whole system of becoming separate and living this constellation of contradiction that is life. 

There was a question about if you have a special relationship and you pray together- will that help the special relationship?
In a special [romantic] relationship that is immature we try to satisfy our needs through another. If you pray together, sincere prayer, your mind will change. Prayer works to the degree that we really mean it. It cannot be superficial. It must have sincerity – say what you mean and everything you say you mean. Actions and behavior must be aligned and consistent. 

*Behavior moves others and demonstrates my willingness to be moved! 
When do we know when our learning is complete? When everywhere you look everyone smiles, babies don’t cry, human consciousness has shifted and suffering disappears.
We are all united in this experience of woe. (we think to ourselves, “NO one can possibly know how i feel…” THEY DO!) 

The nature of God’s gift is unlimited. Living everywhere at once- nothing I think separately is true- no one is truly the way I think they are. Separateness is a problem. We must remain open and receptive to learning and remember that this too shall pass. Salvation is an idea that undoes the need for more explanation. It empowers you to share experience beyond explanation and learning. Returns you to spontaneity, authenticity and aliveness -you live in the moment- you become an agent for something miraculous. 

We begin to see through the veneer of complaining. Thinking poorly, feeling poorly and doing poorly are all connected. It’s not user friendly and will not produce miracles. 

In the bible, Jesus says, “Everything you do to yourself- you do to me and God.” Problems don’t exist. They are opportunities for more expansive and creative solutions.
As you become yourself- your role in awakening will naturally unfold! Your being is always becoming. The nature of my being is the nature of god’s being. Everything that disturbs me- I made it all up. SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL!!! 

Salvation is expanding. Every thought is not true in life we only have reason for joy. Our dreams then begin to lighten up- become less terrifying. You can do a lot to promote that. Get down with God through meaningful prayer. Through prayer you get personal with spirit. Inner counsel with Holy Spirit make it real. Speak to Holy Spirit/Christ/Creator. God lives in me as I live in him. Be expressive of that. Set aside moments of spiritual prayerful sincerity. Be alert for moments you’re not tired. An instant of sincerity. Immediate connection honors the spirit in me. Receptivity to receive Holy spirit/god right here and now. God doesn’t ask anything of us. There’s no need to do a song and dance- he’s happy to be in your presence. I am profoundly loved and adored- there is nothing more pleasing and beautiful than my being and existing. 

Life is perfect love and expression. God got it right in you since the beginning- PERFECT LOVE. 

You are the loveliest of God’s creations. Become living examples- in life only the truth is true- be an expediter of causing the business of correction- inner shift to love by remembering a love that casts out all fear. 

 The room that night was beyond connected. It was such a beautiful moment.

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