Self Doubt: It Happens to the Best of Us

I am all about the happy. I love it, I revel in it and it feeds my soul. With that said, I would also like to acknowledge that it’s not always rainbows, unicorns and pixie dust over in the sunny state of Mary by way of California.
I have been feeling tired, exhausted and been asking myself “what the f*ck am I doing?” In conjunction with all of this I have been isolating. I have been really finding it hard to get out.
I enjoyed walking my dog until she got infested with fleas. That totally killed the romancing we had going on. No longer did I feel ok sleeping with her and the poor dog has been extra stiff because of her sleeping on the floor. It also takes me a while to get outside. I don’t know where to go or what to do.
Martini’s Fleas were eating us alive… Mutant Fleas.
Then there’s this whole maybe I should get a job thing. I don’t want to f*cking work. My entire life all jobs I have held have been pretty horrible* (*except maybe for that time I worked at Macy’s and took naps in the stockroom.) My soul does not want to have a boss or anyone telling me what to do. It makes me break out in hives to think that I would have to wake up early every day. The rebel inside me says F*ck it! F*ck it all! Damn having to work. I just want to be FREE. It totally sucks and I send out my condolences to everyone who finds themselves reading this while not doing work at their desk. I feel your pain.
I have been doubting myself big time. I feel apprehension about stepping into my power as a teacher even as I continue to be a student and do the spiritual work. I have been asking myself “What am I here to teach? What is my message? Is it even worth telling?”

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Releasing Judgement: Tapping into Forgiveness for True Abundance & Happiness



Leanne & I recorded a video!!! It’s on forgiveness and releasing judgements. A few tools that have helped me with being more forgiving:
1. Meditation. Meditation creates this space between events that are going on and my feelings. It allows me to stop being reactive and constantly riding the waves of my emotions. Meditation allows me to stand back and look at the bigger picture. No longer are you stuck and invested in every little occurrence. You are able to assess the situation and take more measured action.
2. The “other” is you. Your “enemy” or a “stranger” is simply your greatest teacher. They are not out there. They are a reflection of what is going on with you internally. These people are simply not just out to make your life difficult. It’s not about you. They are acting out of fear and pain. If every you find yourself in such a dynamic- give the relationship what you perceive it lacks. Give them more love and care. If you are damning someone for not calling you- simply pick up the phone and call. Do not sit and fester- step into action and give the relationship what you perceive it lacks. If you blame someone for not being supportive- perhaps you should be even more supportive of them- with absolutely ZERO expectations in return.

Continue reading “Releasing Judgement: Tapping into Forgiveness for True Abundance & Happiness”

Not Playing Small: Superhero Spider-Man Ellie Evangelista

I stumbled across an article about a 4 year old little girl who loves playing pretend and dressing up as Spider-Man. Ellie Evangelista was told by the boys in her school that she could not do this because she was a girl. My heart broke.
Here was little Ellie being taught in Pre-K that she is supposed to play small. She’s supposed to limit herself. She’s supposed to do the thing that’s acceptable by her peers.

There are so many people with crushed dreams out there in the world. So many adults who were told as children that they could not and should not. These crazy ideas being reinforced through the teenage years with lots of fear-mongering/warnings/stern talks etc. Playing small is an epidemic. Staying in our little boxes is a shame. We kill ourselves with stress, sadness, fear and anxiety rather than rocking the boat. Labels and expectations are killing us. We drop dead at our jobs or being the good christians that we are- wait until the first day of retirement. We should be loving ourselves and stop letting others define us.

Ellie’s family and neighborhood rallied around her to show her that girls and boys can be any superhero they choose by organizing an Uptown Superheroes March. I was so moved by her story that I spent my Sunday surrounded by SUPERHeroes that came in all shapes and sizes.

I learned that our one job in life is to love. We love by extending kindness to others regardless of who they are or how they act.

We need to stop putting limits on how we love or who we think is worthy of our attention and love. We should give our love away- sprinkle it all over our lives like glitter- make it all sparkle! Love & kindness above all else- what a world that would be!

I think it’s about time we stop judging. The future needs us loving ourselves and by extension, others. Our lives depend on us getting this right- the world needs us to get this right. We must heal. It begins with the children. It begins now with us. 
We should start teaching our children that we are all SuperHeroes. Our superpower is LOVE.

And since we are talking about play we might as well talk about work… Our ONLY, no, no, no…

Let me rephrase that…
THAT’S IT. NO MORE AND NO LESS. This getting up and going into work chasing our rat tails is over. We put the rat in Rat Race. Stop doing it to yourself. You can walk out at any moment. The only one keeping you down and in that desk and attending to that sucky job- is YOU! You did it, now undo it. Go out, put on your cape and go play with the children- because they seem to know a thing or two about acceptance… and this whole LOVE business.
You can thank me later for the tough love – You’re Welcome!
P.S. Support my crazy dream of (F) UNemployment: Read more here. Help me relocate to CALIFORNIA!!!! Donate here. 
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