Self Doubt: It Happens to the Best of Us

I am all about the happy. I love it, I revel in it and it feeds my soul. With that said, I would also like to acknowledge that it’s not always rainbows, unicorns and pixie dust over in the sunny state of Mary by way of California.
I have been feeling tired, exhausted and been asking myself “what the f*ck am I doing?” In conjunction with all of this I have been isolating. I have been really finding it hard to get out.
I enjoyed walking my dog until she got infested with fleas. That totally killed the romancing we had going on. No longer did I feel ok sleeping with her and the poor dog has been extra stiff because of her sleeping on the floor. It also takes me a while to get outside. I don’t know where to go or what to do.
Martini’s Fleas were eating us alive… Mutant Fleas.
Then there’s this whole maybe I should get a job thing. I don’t want to f*cking work. My entire life all jobs I have held have been pretty horrible* (*except maybe for that time I worked at Macy’s and took naps in the stockroom.) My soul does not want to have a boss or anyone telling me what to do. It makes me break out in hives to think that I would have to wake up early every day. The rebel inside me says F*ck it! F*ck it all! Damn having to work. I just want to be FREE. It totally sucks and I send out my condolences to everyone who finds themselves reading this while not doing work at their desk. I feel your pain.
I have been doubting myself big time. I feel apprehension about stepping into my power as a teacher even as I continue to be a student and do the spiritual work. I have been asking myself “What am I here to teach? What is my message? Is it even worth telling?”

Continue reading “Self Doubt: It Happens to the Best of Us”

Resume Help: How Do I Get Started?

 

I know what it’s like to be in a job that you hate. It’s happened to me one too many times. I know there were many times when I had a rough week and resolved to update my resume over the weekend. When you are in that situation – you don’t quite know what is up and what is down. You can’t even begin to know how to get yourself out of this sticky situation.

Continue reading “Resume Help: How Do I Get Started?”

Do You Doubt Yourself?: How to Know You’re on the Right Track

I have had so many people say that I am such an inspiration and that they wish they could do what I am doing. This is not how I know that I am on the right track. I know I am right on schedule humming along in unison with the Universe’s plans for me when I get calls like this:

I look down at my phone and see an unrecognizable number. I pick up. I say hello and realize it’s an old friend who I haven’t seen in a very long while and haven’t spoken to in ages. She asks what’s new- I sense where this is going so I cut to the chase. When you get these out of the blue calls they usually come from someone who’s on a specific mission or purpose- it’s most definitely not about the chit chat.
I tell her that I’m moving to California next week. She tells me that’s what she had heard. She then goes on to express fear and tell me that that’s a far away state and I don’t have any family there. That perhaps someone has somehow convinced me to go or maybe I’m moving with friends- friendships can be hot and cold. Perhaps I have picked up a romanticized idea of California. It is dangerous. 
I sit in silence thinking that this mainly one-sided conversation we are having is more for her than for me. I’ve seen this before. I had been waiting for this call- I just didn’t expect it from her, I expected it from a different vessel/messenger. Doubt takes human form. Those were my own insecurities coming from her mouth.

My mind then races to Freshman Year in College. I had received a call from an 809 number. I foolishly picked up. It was my dad calling from the Dominican Republic. He called to tell me that I was abandoning my mom by going off to college. Girls don’t go away and leave their mothers alone. He suggested that I should go to City College and stay home. I should not be by myself- It’s dangerous…
Queue Four years of awesome challenges that let me see how strong I am. Then I was a 4+ hour bus ride away and now I will be a 5 to 6 hour plane ride away. 
If you’re waiting for approval- that’s a sad state of affairs. In that instant I was grateful for my friend’s call. I needed that call to know that big stuff is coming my way. Awesomeness is on its way.
I then hung up and started packing with such happiness in my heart – I was at peace. This is how you know you are on the right track- ask yourself do you have peace?
Thank you Universe for giving me a sign- because at this point every thing’s a sign :p Feeling fully supported and blessed.

P.S. Support my crazy dream of (F) UNemployment: Read more here. Help me relocate to CALIFORNIA!!!! Donate here. 
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