Self Doubt: It Happens to the Best of Us

I am all about the happy. I love it, I revel in it and it feeds my soul. With that said, I would also like to acknowledge that it’s not always rainbows, unicorns and pixie dust over in the sunny state of Mary by way of California.
I have been feeling tired, exhausted and been asking myself “what the f*ck am I doing?” In conjunction with all of this I have been isolating. I have been really finding it hard to get out.
I enjoyed walking my dog until she got infested with fleas. That totally killed the romancing we had going on. No longer did I feel ok sleeping with her and the poor dog has been extra stiff because of her sleeping on the floor. It also takes me a while to get outside. I don’t know where to go or what to do.
Martini’s Fleas were eating us alive… Mutant Fleas.
Then there’s this whole maybe I should get a job thing. I don’t want to f*cking work. My entire life all jobs I have held have been pretty horrible* (*except maybe for that time I worked at Macy’s and took naps in the stockroom.) My soul does not want to have a boss or anyone telling me what to do. It makes me break out in hives to think that I would have to wake up early every day. The rebel inside me says F*ck it! F*ck it all! Damn having to work. I just want to be FREE. It totally sucks and I send out my condolences to everyone who finds themselves reading this while not doing work at their desk. I feel your pain.
I have been doubting myself big time. I feel apprehension about stepping into my power as a teacher even as I continue to be a student and do the spiritual work. I have been asking myself “What am I here to teach? What is my message? Is it even worth telling?”

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