Dehumanized Robot & "Slave" Needed at Rat Race Inc to Start ASAP

Are you one to go with the flow without asking questions? Do you major in complacency?
Business looking to profit off your sweat & tears. We feed off your desperation to get out of your current situation.
We want only top candidates to endure the following:
-Never being promoted
-Not being valued for your loyalty or hard work
-Use & Abuse
Your time is now our time- we own you.
You will come straight out of college with your youth in hand. You will exit tired, depleted & looking worse for wear having physically aged 13 years in just 5 short years
There will be group meetings without you where we will discuss what projects you can work on. We will dump work on you. You will have constant team meetings. There will be constant status report meetings. Impromptu meetings is what we excel at. There will be meetings about those meetings.

There will be special requests and projects given to you by anyone in the company at any time in the day (we prefer calling you at 5:50pm- please have that back to us first thing in the morning.) No questions asked- figure it out.
You are not allowed a full lunch break. Run, grab lunch (in under 15 minutes while checking your email) eat at your desk. Oh, grab us lunch while you’re at it.
You say you want a vacation? We don’t do that here. You have to earn your days off. First we put you through the wringer, then you can have a long weekend- there will still be emails to answer. Expect to be greeted with a faux smile and “oh, what did YOU do on your day off?” Prepare to be judged.
Our work environment will remind you of high school- the cr*p one you didn’t go to… There will be bickering and people complaining that “things aren’t fair”… Management will decide that everyone must be treated the same – like crap- to avoid this line of questioning… questions are bad.
Don’t dress fancy. It will be interpreted as you’re going on an interview and your loyalty will be questioned.
Forced work interactions- we will have mixers and out of work activity. Attendance is expected. You will be asked by all if you’re going in the weeks leading up to it. If you’re not going, they will request a reason. Grandma Betty better have died…
If you actually make friends make sure to keep it as a secret love affair- trust no one.
In the bathrooms and the kitchen, in the wee early hours of the morning, you will come across someone else… You will exchange a knowing look through tired weary & defeated eyes but no words will be uttered- we might be listening. We are always listening
You will have to sign a confidentiality agreement to work here- we don’t want our dirty little secret getting out…
Sell a piece of your soul- work for Rat Race Inc.
After many years of taking it- you will decide to leave. We will keep talking sh*t about you. How you just couldn’t hack it. What you didn’t know was that your story is one that has been repeated in many other Rat Race Inc’s many times before.
Compensation: You will be underpaid and undervalued- get used to it
All positions available – sparkly unicorn, receptionist, executive assistants, security, door man, college admissions, paralegal, administrative assistants, facility, investment managers, accounting, legal, compliance, Architect, payroll, research, IT Helpdesk, recruiters, Human Resources, Marketing, Client Relations, Bank Teller, maintenance, Web Designer, Writer, Author, Attorney, Personal Assistant, Nanny, Home Health Aid, Teacher, Project Manager, Hospital, Insurance & many others (please inquire)
A pound of flesh is required when applying for position. To view position on Craigslist please click here. 
Post by Anonymous – reproduced here with consent. 
Want to read more? On getting real with yourself- play a little game called cut the sh*t! 

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Cellulite on Ice

When I went to the beach, my friends were discussing how now they all try to buy bathing suites that cover up their bodies more. One piece bathing suits are what they look for. They began a deep discussion of all their flaws- including cellulite. At some point, I interjected that I had cellulite. They did not believe me…

I am here to tell the world- yes, I too have cellulite.  I think most people, those deemed “skinny”, “athletic”, or “curvy”- have cellulite. It’s a human condition of the body. I am not ashamed of it. No one is perfect. We live in this delusional world where each individual thinks that they alone are afflicted with flaws. The truth of the matter is that (lean in for this one- I will whisper) we have been conditioned – through mass amounts of photoshopped media that systemically creates a false reality of an unobtainable perfection. The faux reality deletes and denies our true individual realities that we are living and cohesively experiencing as a society. Why, you may ask yourself would our wonderful society do that? Well simple, if you happen to think there’s something “wrong” with you or if you are just not happy due to the constant comparisons- you, my friend, are a prime candidate for consumption. Buy that skin firming cream, pay for that lipo, join the gym, go on that special diet, do that detox cleanse, get that girdle or spanx that will smooth out those imperfections- all the while purchasing new clothes for each body type on the spectrum and damning our current bodies as we struggle to zip up our jeans that we are too in denial to throw away (oh these will fit once the X pounds are gone- we are all guilty). If we would all be happy- we would want for nothing (well close to nothing)…

no thigh gap! 

I think the worst part of all this is that we pass it on – our insecurities. It’s like a plague. We critique the bodies of little girls and speak about their gaining weight and developing bodies as if it is ok. We then sit as friends and comment on how our bodies are going down the toilet. My boobs- they sag and have stretch marks. They are being held up by my bikini top. My butt and thighs have cellulite. I have no thigh gap. My hair- it’s not straight. And clearly, I am not that tall- I am wearing heels. I use mascara to elongate my lashes. I use blush to make my already rosy cheeks orgasmically glow. I play feminine quite well – I am a bunch of lies constructed by me held up by crazy glue and gum with a nice thick coat of shellac. Who gives a sh*t? None of us is “real” or “natural.” There is no such thing. The truth of the matter is that we each have only the one body (evolving, changing, never to be pin pointed…). Where our body currently stands- in whatever state it is- that’s where we should love it. Compassion and kindness should begin with the self.

Fat is political. This is why I do not own a scale. Society and culture have a vested interest in our bodies. I will not play into it. I don’t want to obsess over a frame/appearance/something superficial and negative. 

I, on my part, will keep wearing whatever type of bathing suit I damn well please, one piece suits included. I will not be hiding- even if it makes me uncomfortable. We should show our friends, children and others the plurality of bodies by not hiding our own. Our bodies are not bad and they most definitely are nothing to be ashamed of. Let’s take a radical step and practice self love.

I know I am taking a leap posting bathing suit pics online… f*ck it! Sorry mom!

Throw my cellulite on ice- make mine a double! Cellulitis con hielo! Cellulitis con hielo! 

nothing to see here, Martini! 

My bathing suits I got at a sample sale for Faherty Brand- you can find them here. The cross back straps and cups offer awesome support for maturing saggy boobies such as mine :p. Snap them up before they are gone. I foresee travel and beaches in my near future… (I am wearing XS top and S bottom) Enjoy the rest of summer!!!!!!!

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The TATA Top: Beauty, Boobs and Breasts

It’s summer and I’m enjoying my TATA’s! In my infinite wisdom, I saw this top and decided to purchase it immediately (because I am a shy and demure lady!) I love the classy things in life that allow me to blend into the background. Non-fussy, sweet and angelic, I am. 

I love getting into mischief and quite honestly I just thought the bikini top was brilliant. I saw no issues with it. I went to Rye Beach with friends. As soon as I removed my cover up, I felt a bit exposed even though I was covered. I laid on my tummy for most of the beach. Afterwards, we proceeded to the pool. We got into the pool for 10 minutes when we had to exit due to a safety check exercise. 
As I was on my way back into the pool I received a compliment from a lady and her husband remarking how cute my top was… I was proud of myself and continued to make my way to the pool. I was about to enter when a security guard approached. He asked if it was possible for me to cover up. Apparently my top was “offensive.” I asked him how it was offensive and then he started to hold back his laughter. He told me that he could not look at me and he was trying to keep a straight face by looking above me and past me. He said that people had remarked that it was offensive. He asked that I put on a shirt or turn my bikini top inside out. He also said I could go buy a white shirt and wear it in the pool. I refused to turn the top inside out and declined his invitation to purchase a white t-shirt. In retrospect, wet t-shirt contests love the white shirts for a reason and I think the guard was confused by the novelty of this new issue that had sprung up in his pool. In the end, the couple that had complimented me threw me their son’s tank top. 
Moral of the story: Women’s breasts are dangerous and should be brandished with care. Little children cannot be exposed to these weapons. Children have never seen breasts nor do they suckle upon birth. Their innocence is to be maintained at all costs. Overweight men with their hanging boobages – their breasts and cleavage are meant to be free and liberated. Theirs is a gift that is meant to be shared with the world – no training bra’s needed. 
I’m offended at how a little bikini top almost got me kicked out of the pool. I did not have the words to defend myself but I was made to feel as if wearing my bikini top was wrong and my lack of shame in my body (not even because it is a garment) is frowned upon. 
Anywho, I think we should be more desensitized to being offended by a breast. It has larger implications in women’s self body image and the image of motherhood/breastfeeding. Just Sayin’. Suck a Boobie at birth and then as children they must be protected from a faux breast top. Adults need to grow up. 
My TATA top will rise again! Damn the establishment! TATA tops for everyone! Boooooobiiiesssssss and Breastesssssessssss. Boooooobiiiesssssss and Breastesssssessssss. Boooooobiiiesssssss and Breastesssssessssss. Boooooobiiiesssssss and Breastesssssessssss. Boooooobiiiesssssss and Breastesssssessssss. There is more trouble to be caused. #FREEtheNIPPLE

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Dancing Fool: Happiness is the TRUTH

I don’t know why but sometimes when I find myself alone in my apartment… I like to DANCE!!! DANCE!!! DANCE!!! DANCE!!!
Me dancing is epic – I don’t take myself seriously and I make a complete fool (read *ss) of myself. My dance off’s in public are what dreams are made of. 
My partner is always an unwilling victim.

So I play Pandora and it takes me places that I sometimes don’t want to go or better yet – don’t need to go. This one time it played quebradita which is Mexican music – loosely translated it means – break you a little bit. Already from that description – the dance is crazy. Anywho, Pandora surprised me with a slow song after that. Enough explaining and making excuses- 
I present to you, me making a fool out of myself (before someone else succeeds!!!) Because a picture is sometimes not enough: 
You’ve been put on alert – watch out for me on the dance floor! [or the supermarket aisle or anywhere else for that matter – I challenged someone to a dance off at work – nothing’s sacred!]

In other news, did you get to see the interview Oprah did with Pharrell? I saw a clip and was inspired. I thought I would pass it along (paraphrased for those of you at work without video): 

Pharrell: “Zero airplay- nothing. Next thing you know, we put out the video in November 21st and next thing you know- BOOM. And we were like what’s happening. And people started putting up their own videos. It was no longer my song.”

Oprah: “I was just thinking about your grandmother – I bet she did not even imagine that. It’s beautiful. You know, it’s being used for something that’s greater than you- I get that.[…] I so now get why it’s so infectious  It came from such a clear space that the energy was so uninterrupted that it allowed for it to flow directly from heart to heart.”

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I feel like crap

I am going to give you a touch of candor at this moment – I haven’t been my happy bright self these past few weeks. I have days where I stay in on the weekend and just lay in bed. I barely manage to do much of anything but sleep. I feel drained and I don’t know what to do about it. The work week has me in a tizzy of unproductively and (what feels like) incompetence. I can’t keep up and I can’t process. I seriously have no idea what is wrong with me.
I’ve been receiving emails about meditating or maybe I should try yoga to relax. Doing so much both at work and in my personal life has caught up with me. I wish there were a pause button. Please hold while I repair – funny thing is that the universe has not created any such thing (unless you consider padded rooms or detox facilities the way to go…). I feel like I am in a lull. I was told that someone that was as inspiring as me is not allowed to feel this way behind the scenes. I was told I was awesome and I needed to get my sh*t together. 
After work today, I texted a couple of friends. No one responded. I proceeded to call one of them and she immediately picked up. As I was on the phone with her, I bumped into my second friend on the street. Maybe the universe is sending me a message. One friend gave me details for a psychiatrist and told me that I need to explore other avenues. My friend over the phone told me that we need to explore stress management. 
All I know is that I am tired and want to go to sleep. I don’t have time to be broken, to have anxiety or to be feeling feelings. That stuff’s for humans. I am stubborn and not going for it… Maybe tomorrow I will have a different opinion. For now, I am not taking appointments. Laying low for a bit until this blue period blows over. 
Yesterday, my phone was locked and the same password I had used since purchasing the phone was not working. TMobile had to do a master reset. All data was wiped and settings restored to when I pulled the phone out of its box. That my friends is a buddhist meditation on not being attached. 
Maybe there’s a button where I can wipe all my crazy, noise that accumulates, anxiety and just be reset to the good ol’ factory settings. F*ck it and RELEASE! Let it go- because if we want access to the whole cool smartphone – sometimes superfluous stuff just gets in the way… Just a thought. 
Mary – a work in progress. 
My biggest accomplishment was getting up and getting dressed. I made it into work today… I showed up. Wednesday here I come! 

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